Saturday, 22 December 2012

Cardboard Clergy

Cardboard Fabrications Ltd

Dear Sirs,

We are sure that you have came across our extremely successful products
already. Among our lines are cardboard police cars to discourage speeding,
and cardboard policemen to deter shoplifters, as well as other standard

Following an the success of these we are pleased to announce that we

can now supply cardboard clergy...

The cardboard Priest is invaluable to hard-pressed clergy who need a

holiday. It is life-sized and comes in progressive, middle-of-the-road and

the Tridentine models. It is especially effective when stood behind the

lectern. Field trials have shown that when a cardboard Priest was

installed without the congregation knowing, 40% of those later

questioned had noticed no difference, while 25% said there had been a

considerable improvement.

Soon we hope to have available a cardboard Bishop which can be placed in the
diocese while the real bishop is away in home. Trials models have been
installed for same time in the Bishops Conference without being detected.
One is even said to have made a short excellent speech, which was actually
related to its topic.

Our cardboard congregation is however now on the market and selling well.
Its response to homilies is indistinguishable from the real thing, and it
has the positive advantage that when volunteers are called for nobody makes
a dash for the door. In some churches there has even been a marked
improvement in the singing.

We recommend our quality products for your consideration and hope that you
will find that they are just what you have been looking for.

Yours faithfully,

C. Board,

Marketing Director

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